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I, Antagonist

by the fifties

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1.
Watched you closely today because I wanted to see if you treat anyone else this way. If you treat anyone like me. Flick back your hair in a way that gets me every time. The way your eyes stare when I speak, so sincere. You tell me about your world and what makes you scared. I don’t think twice about any words I say to you. I made a promise to myself to respect your position. After all, he’s still there. Go to him. After all, he’s still there but I’m here now. Maybe everything will line up some day. Maybe I’m reading too much into it. But regardless of all, I’ve fallen for you but I’d never tell.
2.
You have this book that you claim a compass. They follow you and without they’re so lost. Lies are told, blood is spilled by your lead. Light my own way I’m fine but still think: I, antagonist, beg you always bring a smile and love honestly. Do not twist, turn, deceive us, nor shower us with guilt. Snap the line of words you cast. You’d think by now it would have died with conflict. Still this world is at odds and I break. There’s so much more than your “good” words. You don’t see. A blindness to dissipate with mankind. We can follow our own path. Greed, hate, envy are all taught.
3.
I used to hate most of my past since I carried myself so poorly but now, I'm grateful for every mistake that's set me on this path towards you. Cling to me, you know we'll always be love's dearest work. Stare into me, like you've done so well. Your eyes, my light. Time passes, yet moves too fast. Our short time will become an eternity. Everything they've ever said has become a hard truth now that I've felt it. All cliches and many works of fiction articulate it perfectly, somehow, it's still not enough. Effortless but I'm still trying, like peddling down a hill. Still, there's nowhere for me to go but up. And we'll keep going like we have from the start. I was made to love you. You'll never be alone again.
4.
Equilibrium 05:51
Bruised and chipped. Blames himself. It’s foolish but he went back. When you love so precise, it can’t bend. Stuck in this cycle he’d claim it’s all part of love. Can’t see we get more than one chance to feel. Face to fist one more time. She claims to have no control. There are tears and it is clear she is lost. Why does fair punish itself? It’s the light the darkness fears. A hand that pulled me out of my own head. List those pros and cons since force won't tip the scales. Forget the good times. The bad is so bad, it stays out of your head.
5.
Burdens 08:55
Just one more drink. Get me to a place where I can think and I'll brave the storm tonight. The eyes on me almost burn the flesh off of my skin and I'll shut myself down. Her memory, everything she thought and felt of it, it's all a weight to drown. All the lines said by everyone who's ever had the sickness. Same old song. Flat on the rocks. The shadow from the life of the party cast from which light? Too hard to find. So another dose to fall down the line. The search, irrelevant now. So much time alone, the need to please the crowd never arose. A price to pay to stay afloat. I know there's a chance for a wave to pull me under as I've felt it licking at my ankles. Solitude, while sad, led the way to grateful living and I wish I could fix everything. If it's full as it hits the surface of the table then you know you've won. There's an updraft of this love that you can use to suspend yourself, though should it weaken even for a moment, look up to the sky: it's an expanse of hope and all the potential existing inside of you.

credits

released March 29, 2019

Instrumentation/vocals/programming/mixing by Clint Howard
Additional vocals on Moral Compass by Adrienne Abbott
Additional vocals on Burdens by Nicolino De Francesco

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the fifties Toronto, Ontario

I'm Clint and I play music.

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